Writing

Rational Thinking

weakened by the netball matches they
tried so hard to make me join
by tiring my soul in them screaming
anger
because I can't throw straight
at her mouth
open mouth
don't touch my shoulders they're
bleeding.

So I figured I hate the lot of you
So I'll hang around with myself and my
CD player because
the courts are full of scary deaths
like daydreams without you
that make me afraid...

the last day is banging my
head through the window
that makes me think of lady tomorrow
and her brother
who spends money with his daddy who
left them all.

And I'll miss somebody because
their tears don't conjoin with mine any more
which makes painful memories
hit me hard, scream
(I'm getting better?)

it's always been so cold until
the day we pull up the floor and pay out
the loan
so pretty orange light time to soak up my
nightmares. like we couldn't work out that
damn radiator, so I shivered in black.
I've been waiting for you since after I didn't cry
and not tomorrow because I'm busy
revising for my deathday.
Since yesterday when you weren't
different at all, only I was.

and I'm not talking now because there's
nothing to say.
Like my sister by half cried because
I'm leaving and she's byebyeing in a voice
of sobbed out angels
i'm waving to you in my eyes
and pulling you back, don't leave
don't go because I'm not ready for you to
not be there yet.
No new vampire busters. Better put an
add in the guardian.

So why is it that every time I see you I feel
like I need to add up my posters
and divide it by the sum of my music files,
kiss the MTV awards and write swear words in
incadescent lights above your head.
Only causes trouble.
Pulling up short is not there for me
I'm too afraid, rational.
gotta be there for the world
just in case I invent the cure for AIDS
and save all the african people I don't know
or my auntie in bedfordshire who
never lived.

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